Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Looking For Love on Craigslist #16

Girlfriend needs to play GI Joes with me - m4w

Hey, woman

I'm looking for a girlfriend to play GI Joes with. I'm 30 going on 13. I'm not asexual but you gotta earn trust in a partnership, and I know it sounds immature, but that's what I want to do. So we can pairbond by playing Joes together, and if you're good at it  you'll be pairbonding with "deez nuts."

So, you probably want emotional comfort and sex and again, I'm too emotionally isolated so perhaps we can mix the two. I can use the canvas of your naked body to have battle tournaments. I'll be the announcer. it'll be like "COBRA EEL vs. Johnny Cage on your body!" And the wrestlers will beat each other into submission by smashing them into your nipple and screaming, "Land ho!", a joke that will surely never get old for you.

Man, I'll act out elaborate war scenarios on you. It will be Saving Private Ryan on your vagina. My sergeant will be stuck inside you and tell his allies, "Hey, let's take cover in this dike!" and you'll be like, hey I'm not a dyke! And I'll say not until this relationship is finished you're not. And you gotta have hair there because I'm all about realism. This is Paths of Glory, not Pearl Harbor.

I can play on your butt like that movie The Thin Red Line, where characters wax poetic about whats over the hill they're stuck on, and then Sean Penn's like, "Oh, you don't wanna know what's over yonder." And Matt Damon's like, I'm scared but I'm going in. I share the same attitude. Victory is fearless.

So that's my main prerequisite. Perhaps you can do me after, like your Joes will be working my neighborhood with some plot like, "Hey we're working at the oil rig today." Perhaps you could get some bad bitches like The Baroness to lift my junk like it's that Flags of Our Fathers photo. I'm open to try new things.

Oh, and they don't have to be GI Joes, just have the most humanistic flexibility to do all the required stunts. Iron Man, Capt America, whatever works.

Yeah that's all I need you to be. I also like girls named delilah.

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