Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Best and Worst State Flags of The United States


This is your idea, really, Alabama? The same sign you get when an image doesn't load on the internet? We're off to a bad start.

Is that the big dipper and the north star? It's too sparse and random. Too unrealized, too much empty space. Looks like macaroni stained jeans. 


A star coming over the horizon is nice. Warm colors there to represent the Arizona heat. A middle of the road flag for a middle of the road state. Solid.

Are you shitting me? This belongs on a pipe next to a gas station.


Now, aside from the fact you don't normally associate bears and California, this is a great flag. The bear says, "We don't even need to add any color to this flag because a bear makes it menacing enough." The word "republic" adds mystique and makes it seem like you're part of a club instead of a part of the brokest state in the country.

I like this flag, too. It's got an art deco feel for some reason. It's a unique flag for a unique and uniquely American land. It's the perfect mix of simplicity and meaning, built from the ground up just like the state.

Grapes? That's what you're using to sell yourself?


It's distinct, but still too royal old, money b.s. Plus the date at the bottom makes it look like a fax letter.

Tacky drawing, no oranges. Painting looks like someone just threw out the contents of a fast food trash bag onto the canvas of Alabama's shitty state flag.


It's nothing much, but almost hits the right spots. You're okay, Georgia. I have nothing against you, Georgia, which is more than I can say for your neighbors.

What? British with an American sensibility? Who do you think you are, Hugh Grant?

Colorful like some of the homes in Idaho. Small, simple, poignant, success.

 I guess you're alright, but stop trying to be Mexico, Illinois. Bonus points for being all white.

Dear god. This is more of an atrocity than their crime-riddled streets. Those sparking stars are meant to resemble gunshots in Gary, Indiana, right?

This Iowa flag is so shit even their own eagle is ripping it apart.


Ugly bright blue, ugly placement of everything. Stupid photo belongs on a package of butter. Get lost, Kansas.

While I appreciate the progressive depiction of two gay lovers shaking hands, this crest is the dullest mundane of bland.

Hideous seagull. Uglier than what they leave on your windshield.

I kind of like this one. It's bland and average but gets the job done. Wins the award for most mediocre state flag.

This avant-garde piece of no good bullshit. Someone was trying way too hard here. Are you a racing flag or a deck of cards? Points for being from the future, but is an abstract painting no one would buy.

The top of this photo has a phantom arm rising from the ground holding a sword. That's an insane, nonsensical, and violent image, perfect to inspire terror in your foes. If the entire flag were just that image, it might be the best state flag. Instead, it's the uninspired, worst state flag.

I guess I like that Michigan included Sasquatch howling at the sky, but they're not a state in the Pacific Northwest, so that subtracts the points they would've earned for it. This flag just looks like they copied other states ideas and threw it together. Trash this flag, MI. And by that I mean leave it in Flint.

If you squint it looks like a gingerbread house in Candyland somewhere in the North Pole. I don't know, this one's just stupid. Replace this piece of trite with the cover for Fargo and you have my vote.

While the indication of race hate gives it an edge, they pussied out with the homage to the American flag. Pick a side, The South.

I don't believe bears would behave in such a manner. Try harder next time, and include the arch.

While the painting looks like the product of a retarded kindergartner, the oversized state name sells me on it. It says, "We're Montana, and don't you forget it." At least it has the audacity to stand out, like the state's beautiful scenery.


Pleasant, olde tymey, complex in a mild sense. Trains, hard work, rivers, mountains, homes, trees. Only three colors. Subtlety. Not bad, Nebraska.

Actually, this is the worst state flag. It's mostly deep blue, the most overused state flag color. This is borderline your average Suicide Girl tattoo. There should be a flag burning law for this flag. A law that mandates if you do not burn this flag, you will be fined.

New Hampshire

MS paint quality photo surrounded by cliche.

New Jersey
Overwhelming tan color, against the grain in that respect. I've never been, but based on what I've heard, I can safely say this is the only good thing about the state of New Jersey.

New Mexico
Simple and distinct. Warm colors for a warm state. Yes.

New York

Frenetic and meaningless, like the people who live here. Really, a smiley face on your sun? Go fuck yourself.

North Carolina
Lazy. What is this, the product tag for a pair of Wrangler jeans?

North Dakota

Might've been nice if they used an eagle that wasn't a mentally ill, enraged psychopath. Someone get this bird some Ritalin.

Plus one for the audacity to change your flags shape, but this is what you'd pick if you had been bashed over the head like most of their middle class has experienced, so while a fitting flag, it's still stupid.

Dreamcatcher made of used tampons. Oklahoma seems like it would be a cesspool. Here's how you improve this flag. Same everything but instead of the dreamcatcher put the Walmart star. That way at least it's accurate.


Letters got that done-by-hand, DIY aesthetic. Oregon trail homage. Thrifty and tacky and in a good way. All representative of the state. Good stuff.


What is this a kids show?

Rhode Island
Yellow on white? No wonder this state's small and insignificant.

South Carolina
Couldn't decide whether to puke or sob, so I'm doing both.

South Dakota
A place lost between retro and modern. The drawing's nice but incorporated poorly. Black and white plus turquoise and yellow? Shivers. You know a place is bad when they have to advertise their one remarkable tourist attraction on their flag itself.

I like that it's simple yet distinct, and that it looks like a bowling bowl. It's just too immersed in the idea of trying to be patriotic to care about.

Simple, but stale. The Texas flag should just be a silhouette image of a pickup truck towing a large steak.

Eh, I want a state flag not a stock Old Navy t-shirt. Needs more polygamy.

I've reviewed this same stale blue flag with a shitty crest at least 10 times so far. I cannot discern different forms of bland at this point.


There's a tit, a murder, a dildo, and I'm still not impressed. Go back to the drawing board.

I didn't love this flag at first but it's great, if only for switching up the god damn color. The green's a subdued green, and it's the same impression you get as you enter and leave the state. They built some city in the middle of endless forest. This is hot shit in the flag world, gentlemen.

West Virginia

Looks like a pro slavery poster, with artistic appeal to match those ideals.


This is the plain blue flag done right. In your face state name. Well drawn farmers. That working class Americana stuff is written all over this one. You could replace "1848" with "motherfuckers" and it would be the same thing, that's how bold this flag is.

I have a soft spot for buffaloes, and that's pretty much all you remember about the scenery of Wyoming. Though I suppose you should add a huge pile of excrement next to it. Dig it? I dig it.

Best state flags:

1. Colorado
2. California
3. Washington
4. New Jersey
5. Wisconsin

Runner-ups: Illinois, Wyoming, Oregon

Worst state flags:

1. Connecticut
2. Florida
5. North Dakota

Runner-up: North Carolina

Decided ultimately grapes are the worst. Seriously, grapes?


  1. Montana's flag has "silver and gold" written in Spanish....really?

  2. I will admit im from md but how dare you say that ours kicks the shit out of anyones!

    1. No, I live in MD too and our flag is horribly ugly. It looks like barf.

    2. The Maryland flag is clearly superior to all others. Go back under your bridge, you tasteless trolls.

    3. Maryland flag not only the worst flag out of the US states, but out of the world. It looks like someone puked in a puddle of blood.

    4. The problem is that too many people are jealous of our state. They are simply haters. We have the best public school system in the country as well as the highest medium family income in the nation. Per capita we are the wealthiest in the nation. Of course they would have much to envy of us, including our perfect flag. Most of the blogs online will rank the Maryland flag as being among the top 10 best. We are perfect, and that's why everyone else is hating.

    5. I've lived in MD my whole life and I hate the flag. It's way too noisy and hard to look at. Unless you're colorblind of course.

    6. That was actually how I found this site: a Google search of "why is the Maryland flag so ugly"

    7. As a Marylander, I am nauseated whenever I have the MD flag colors thrust upon me, which is way too often. It's a pretty spot-on review here. Like a court jester designed it, very much a toss-up between a race car and a deck of cards. Ridiculous and more importantly, ugly AF.

  3. You suck dick at reviewing flags

  4. Hahaha this is great! Don't know how the hell I stumbled across this but glad I did. Michigan review is the best. I'm sending this to my buddy who teaches 8th grade history

  5. Your review is hilarious and well-articulated, but I don't see eye-to-eye with you on this important subject. I can't believe you didn't take points off for having the state name on the flag - especially when it's prominent. A flag is a symbol, a representation. If you write the name it becomes a sign, even if it's a wavy sign hanging on a flagpole. And I can't appreciate any flag that has a couple of stripes or a the state crest in the middle. They all look the same. IMO, Maryland is the best, followed by New Mexico. Distinctive and original.

    1. Thanks for the input. There's certainly merit to your argument. Symbols comprise words, as well, so I'm not entirely against them. Few states have one defining attribute that could encompass the whole thing. Plus, there's so many states it's probably hard to differentiate them. I'd guess most don't know what their own state flag looks like.

      Granted, I'm no historian. It didn't hit me that state crests existed until 5 minutes ago.

  6. You're an opinionated dumb ass

  7. The thing on the Louisiana flag is a pelican, not a seagull!

  8. I also don't know how or why I stumbled upon this. But this is brilliant. I laughed with almost every single flag. Laughed the hardest with what was said about the Maryland flag. Hilarious. Thanks!

  9. How dare you say those things about all those states!

  10. Great reviews of New York, Virginia and Wisconsin. Had me laughing at work.

  11. Still laughing...

  12. Small does not mean insignificant /:(

  13. I'm not sure how you got the final answers, because based on some of the comments on the top flags, I would have figured they would be at the bottom.

  14. Thank you for the kind comments people and I apologize to the state of Rhode Island.

  15. fuck you, maryland has the best state flag hands down

  16. I'm sorry, but I must respectfully disagree. I believe Texas has one of the best flags in the union.

  17. Interesting that you decided to bash on Oklahoma instead of actually reviewing its flag. You're supposed to review the flag, not shit on states that you don't like and have never been to.

    1. If you took his reviews seriously, I sincerely worry for your state of mind.

  18. Interesting that you mention the future with the Maryland flag, when it has the oldest origins of all the state flags, being based on English Heraldry.

  19. Michigan and Illinois are the best

  20. How ironic you're judging this art, yet you put a big fat red border around each flag that even mixes in with some of them. What the fuck were you thinking! Also Maryland's flag is by far the worst.

  21. He just dragged the shit out of our flag (Maryland), even though most of the blogs online clearly rank it as being among the superior flags. Anyway, there's no need to avenge my state for anything. We already excel in everything else. *drops mic*

  22. Oklahoma has a great flag your just full of bullshit

  23. I want to be besties with the person who wrote these reviews. Ah. Maze. Ing.

    1. Well don't be shy. My contact info is in the corner.

  24. Try the District of Columbia flag. Red on black, and based on George W.'s family seal (No, not that one, the one from the 1700's. Duh). If only if it had bloody fists in place of stars to protest "Taxation Without Representation"

  25. Lol. I think the comments are the best. Everyone is so butt hurt over his review. His reviews are just that. Funny and not to be taken seriously. Lol. Good job!!

  26. Words don't belong on flags because you see most flags high up/in the distance. You can't read most text, and even if it's large text, it drains symbolism which is what a flag is supposed to display. I live in Connecticut, and I like the flag, though I'd drop the scroll and make the rococo shield and vines bigger. The vines represent the three original settlements of the state. New Mexico is my favorite because it's simple and evocative of the place, much like the Canadian flag. Loved the humor in your reviews. The Florida comment was both hilarious and spot on. Not only is the flag derivative, more importantly it tells you nothing about the state.

  27. Arizona encompasses its Spanish heritage, American colonies, and epic sunsets in just half of one flag. The rest symbolizes its copper industry and Colorado river. Why is it not in the top 5 :(

  28. HAHAAHAHA people from MD are so butt hurt about their beach towell disguised as a flag.

  29. Gotta love how 90% of the comments are "My state flag is better than all of yours if you have a different opinion you're just a hater".

  30. Too funny. Here's my take on it:

  31. Maine has such originality that it copied Delaware's flag, which sucks. Maine's motto is "Dirigo", which means "I direct". BS, Maine doesn't direct or lead anything. The motto should be "Quae Semper", translated as "whatever". The official attitude of Maine

  32. Florida and Alabama, originally founded and organized in Spanish Florida, are today displaying the flag of the Spanish Order, the Saltire, Cross of St. Andrew, are not appreciated; the flags represent the history of their respective state's origin and civilization, like the flag of New Mexico, simplified, as the high standard of vexillology requires. They're good flags really.