Thursday, May 29, 2014

Hardcore and metal is for frickin nerds and losers

The following is a guest column, an opinion piece by Square Andy. Andy is a self-described "Critique[sic] of hardcore and metal, and go nowhere lifestyles that lead to nothing (namely hardcore and metal lifestyles)."

You nobodies. You wish you were me. You all think you're soo cool listening to your scary Marilyn Manson, soundtrack-to-the-next-Columbine music. I have a nice computer and a mom who loves me, what do you nobodies have?

I have everything I need. 12 cans of Baja Blast in the fridge, cold and ready. You have 12 rounds of ammo locked and loaded in your hateden waiting for jamie jasta to give you a thumbs up so you can highjack a school bus.

I have a nice phone. You have the latest strand of venereal disease they don't even have a name for yet. It's going to be named after your gf. It's going to be called sarah_hatewater because that's her last name because it's her record label aka a bunch of unsold cheaply made merchandise in her dad's basement. jk there's no dad.

I love my life, my school, my job, my god. I loved seeing the grand canyon. I bet you hardcore kids didn't like that because nobody tagged "life sucks" in squished fat gangster font at the bottom. Why don't you graffiti some charity on society. Try that out.

One day I'm going to have a park named after me. I feed bread to birds and my nephews. What makes you special?

Bunch of perverts. Get religion.
-Square Andy
NOTE**: when you post this on your site please note my name is a nick name, my real name is Andrew.

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