Saturday, March 21, 2009

At the mall today

A female girl of the opposite gender to mine was quite taken with me. She seemed of Eastern descent, you know, somewhere in the Middle. Against an atrium she was leaning softly. She had lids thick with eyeliner and vivacious eyes. But, her eyes, I did not want them. I saw through their innate evil. She approached me with an obvious flirtatious pass of "Would you like to try our new variety of — "

Before she could finish her sentence I yelled, "Stay away, Persian!" and kicked her tender gut sending her tumbling back into a bottomless pit. Of course, I soon saw it was a pot plant, grabbed a handful of its freshly drenched soil, and smeared it upon her face. "Earth and water? Have a feast of it you treacherous lesbian." I began to flex for the gathering crowd before attempting to rip my nWo white shirt in two.

A mall cop wearing a tri-colored pleather coat with an emblem of an eagle above a flag interrupted, "This is madness!" screaming into his electronic voice transmitting device. "Come check this snaz slip out over by Entrance B, Buffalo Jeremy. Some Persian harlot got her just comeuppance from some righteous hardline negrola."

Looking back it was certainly a strange occurrence, but these events seem to follow me around.


  1. You've got some fucking style! These people only understand pure, brute force. I like to scream WHORE OF BABYLON!!! repeatedly whilst shoving my giant foam #1 finger emblazoned with the likeness of Christ in their filthy foreign faces.