Sunday, February 8, 2009

Say you found the perfect girl

But you met in an odd way. One day you woke up to find your parents and siblings shot dead execution style with a silenced pistol. You were perplexed as to why, and even more confused by the photo of a cute foreign-looking girl placed delicately face-down over your crotch.

The phone rings. A garbled voice states, "Listen, if you want to know what happened to your family, follow my instructions. Take a good look at the photo and burn it over the stove." You comply. the sinister voice is no longer garbled and it's the sound of an attractive and articulate young woman.

"Listen," she says, "I could bore you with the details but I'll get straight to the point. your parents sold me a traceless Pontiac Fiero almost a decade ago that was to be used as a getaway vehicle during a bank robbery. They assured me everything was in tip-top shape but when the car wouldn't start, the pigs got a head start on us and I lost my lifelong love and criminal accomplice Jax Wallace in the process."

She paused a moment before continuing, "Your family knew of my profession as a thief and assassin. Sternly, I warned them to leave town or I'd exact vengeance on them and any future children. They relocated in the same county and assumed I wouldn't find them. This brings us to today. Just before I was to finish my prophecy by aiming a silencer at your dome, something hit me. You were so irresistible, passed out with your pants down next to an open hentai mag."

Obviously you're speechless but she finishes off by stating what time you could meet up with her near a train station and that calling the cops will "End in a violent explosion killing dozens of innocent civilians and pigs." As the call ends you're still befuddled by the image of her beautiful visage and entranced by the innocence in her speech.

Would you seek her?

I would, but only if I really loved her.

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