Thursday, November 10, 2016

Finally, Justice Be Done

"Square" Andy
Everyone, it’s that time again with your favorite knock-about guy, Square Andy. Finally a man with a Christian plan has found his way into the White House. Finally, as I say, a “square” man is in the Oval Office. We waited, breath baited, for this day, we prayed for this day, during sing-along hymns at church we swayed for this day. The Power of Christ compels us.

What people don’t know about us Christians, is that we really, really like to get high. We don’t get medical tubing and tap the vein and inject dangerous street level black tar heroin into our veins and close our eyes and sink into a deep bliss of coma for a few hours. Our fix is Lord. Our Lord is paramount. His righteousness is morphine pristine... medical grade. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, my fix is a line of scripture, and yes, like junkies, I often take my high in a dirty urinal. What’s higher than God and the angels in the clouds in heaven above, after all? Not a Satan-damn thing.

Donald J. Trump is a man who straight-ticket votes for God’s divine plan. Every action he makes echoes what Jesus as a young carpenter would’ve done. He is friendly to all aspects of life, he enriches the rich, employs the poor, and respects drunks and whores.

What Trump wants to do is in line with my values as a Christian man. Yeah, he said some remarks, like when he spoke of grabbing women by their crotches, but he did the most important thing in asking forgiveness. So we can let bygones be gone. Answer me the following things, heretics:

Is killing an unborn baby not the same as killing a baby?

Answer: it is. And we’re allowing a baby-genocide to take place and the numbers keep going up like a tornado death count.

Does Roe v. Wade not need to be overturned?

Answer: I mean, it’s the Baby Genocide bill.

Does gay marriage hurt the sanctity of marriage?

Answer: Well, yes. What’s next, a man marrying his dolphin? Are we to sit back and watch the Superbowl, knowing that men somewhere out there in rural lands are tickling the bellies of highly intelligent dolphin-folk? Is that “square” with you? But then we watch a demonic display by Beyonce and then we look in the stands and we see a man with his arm around a female dolphin and he takes off his sea captain hat and puts it on her. Is that what we want? Trump is a man who has respected marriage in each one of his marriages.

Is the respect of the police under-represented?

Answer: the police are not respected at all. We grab the police by their public image and we backhand them left to right, and right to left, until the sun is coming down on the Western coast and nobody says a thing. It’s always about what they do WRONG, never about the countless hours and years of service they do RIGHT.

Is racism real?

Answer: no.

This is a battle for the domain of God. I don’t want to hear this non-sense. A new dawn for America has risen, like He is Risen, from the ashes of despair and the old day. Don’t try to side-track me.

Trump may have kissed girls without permission, but Hillary does the same with drones. She kisses would-be immigrants on the mouth with drones, by driving into them. She's playing Call of Duty 100, against real life players.

“May the man who follows God’s moral law rule.” - God

-Square Andy

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