Thursday, June 20, 2013

This is a true story

Okay, this is a true story, I don't give a fuck if you find it entertaining or not.

When I was 12 years old a man aged about 31 came to me. His looks were stunning. I later realized this was because it was me, in the future. He told me not to be afraid, not to be nervous. He patted my shoulder and said if I'm nervous, history will change, because he's a time-traveler. He said, "Kid, I'm you from the future. Once you turn 16 I want you to invest in as many Dot Com startups as you can. Play the stock market. You'll lead a rich and easy life if you follow my advice." The man, my future self, then walked out of my life forever.

So then came 1999 and I invested all my money in internet stocks and lost it all during the Dot Com bust in early 2000. Shortly after I lost my entire trust fund and my family's 401Ks, I was revisited by the man, myself. I screamed at him, "How could I do this to me!?" and he said, "Kid, the reason I look like you is because I slept with your mother. I'm your real father. I just thought this would be a funny prank to pull." He just happened to foresee the future because he was great at his job, tech economist.

Since that day I learned never to trust anyone at all in life who is claiming to be me from the future.

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