Thursday, March 15, 2012

Don Draper Joins OKCupid: A Guide to Getting Babes

"..." —Don Draper

A mystery man
Is my name Donald Draper
Or Jonathan Hamm
—haiku by anonymous

Hello, ladies, gentlemen. I am famed film actor Jonathan Hamm. Living my life is not easy. One missed medication of my anti-psychotics and I'm gone, one-way ticket over the Cuckoo's Nest. Realities begin to blur, between the roles I play in film and in real life. Recently during such a bout of rage I joined dating website OKCupid and made a profile. Sure, Jon Hamm has been faithful and monogamous 15 years running, but not Donald Draper. I find they may be of use to those not schooled in the art of the mack. These are the results of what went down.

This profile is used with full permission from myself.

First, create a profile equally confusing, confident, and vulnerable:

Shunning vixens will only tempt them further:

Never open up to a broad:

Keep your lines viable:

Dramatically and desperately seek friendship:

Don't be afraid to ask questions:

Now get out there, tiger.

Thanks for listening,

El Don

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