First degree murder comes second

As we move forward as a society, we stray further and further from the term "uncivilized." Uncivilized is a bad thing. There's an irony that only people about as clever as apes think we evolved directly from them, and another often missed irony that apes are incredibly intelligent animals, but for the sake of a good statement, let me say we've come a long way from way of the apes.

Society collectively shies away from anything natural. We shit in private, have sex in the dark, wear suits, spray tan, add lamb spunk to style our colored hair, and build large cities to honor our great disdain for God and Mother Nature. Anything that breaks the suspension of disbelief from the fallacies and false hopes we use to live happily deluded ever after is swiftly eradicated. It's a self-defense mechanism, for sure. It's not a bad thing either, on the surface, if you care only for appearances and don't mind rotting insides. It's only so long before the cracks show trouble.

In our evolved state—and we must be quite evolved in some sense to masquerade as such—why is first degree murder more frowned upon? Surely second degree murder is the real bad boy of the bunch. Again, what separates us from the apes? It's our intelligence. Second degree murders aren't premeditated, and in my opinion, it's a bit more uncivilized to commit a crime of passion than to bide your time first. If we're going to continue living in this society held together with the same lamb spunk we style our hair with, we should at the very least bump impulsive murders to their deserved spot at number one.

It won't fly, though, I know, because laws generally need to have a basis in reality, and logic is rarely questioned once, less twice. Given enough time and tactical precision, it's O.K. to murder men in mass, so I submit a zero degree murder be added for any death that takes place as result of war. To make our country happy, we can even have sub degrees within the zero degree division. For example, the bombing of an innocent baby will carry less weight because we were intending to kill the evil-doing enemy.

The longer you wait to murder someone, the more noble. Think of the virtue and patience involved. Only a neanderthal kills immediately, why reward him over the evolved, concise killer? Premeditation allows more time to realize murder is a mean-spirited act for pricks, it does, but it also enables more time to dwell over the reason their victim is a death-deserving shithead. Illness is not something you can always come to your senses about without outside help. Come to think of it, third degree murder, which involves impulsive violence, and an implied stupidity suggesting said person cannot properly gauge a lethal ass-beating, might be the most offensive of all three.

The classifications and laws aren't the problem. The problem is a system that doesn't realize by creating a structure to govern human behavior, it implies a sanity and soundness imposed over those who would oppose it. Therefore, it would be more appropriate to treat prisoners as patients, and to view crimes with sternness for the sake of public safety, but also with a fair eye and as objectively as possible.

It's hard to suggest second degree is worse in some cases. Empathy-lacking psychotics who kill without reason are beyond comprehension. Still, I am a man who dislikes indifference and believes apathy is a passive evil. Say some scorned woman from my past forms a plan of attack and hands me my just comeuppance 20 years from now, stalking my every move to make sure my ultimate fate is adequate and ironic. There's more genuine passion, care, and nobility in that than getting your throat cut with a broken bottle in a bar brawl. Passion makes for a more honorable death.