Monday, April 12, 2010

For 50,000 dollars...

Would you appear on MTV's Diary alongside Nick Cannon? Now, he's going for a new angle to revitalize his career, and needs you to fake a relationship with him for his upcoming double album, "Bi Attitude." You will be seen fine dining on the reality show next to Nick in a "cuddling" position playing the female role in the relationship, and drinking cosmopolitans with your pinky extended and such. Throughout the program, he lavishes you with jewelry, lingerie, and Louis Vuitton belts that you get to keep.

The episode will air completely free of any sexuality from you, except to say the following lines: "He's a cannon in the bedroom," and "I'm really into smells." You will also be portrayed as jealous of the other men backstage during his performances.

In addition, you will appear in his new music video titled, "Megalomania 2K (Feat. Akon)," where you're seen sensually dancing between the two-man sandwich while wearing a Lady Gaga tee. The video requires you perform simulated oral intercourse, but the unedited version will only be seen on their official website and, not actual TV. Music video director Fred Durst states, "The fellatio scene will be done in 2 takes, 3 at the most, with minimal skin-on-skin contact."

As a stipulation, you cannot deny your relationship with Mr. Nick. Because of Cannon's strong ties with The Illuminati, breach of contract would put you and your family's lives in jeopardy. Would you do it?

I would, but only if I really loved him ( a friend).

1 comment:

  1. For $50,000 and appearing on screen there's no simulated oral. I'm straight up blowing the dude. Fucking economy is in the toilet. As a job seeker you have to go the extra mile. Who could say no to the downy 'stache above Nick's duckling lips and that bony sternum? Not even you Goth.