Sunday, November 30, 2008

This idea for a movie

Okay, so the local high school band nerds are getting tired of the cool-jocks hustling all the good hoes, and bullying them out of their collective pride and milk dough. The jocks are a tight clique, together in a gang called the Pea Coat Mafia, comprising real bad seeds who sport .357 magnums in their pants while dressed in only the nicest Banana Republic attire. They black mail and extort teachers for grade A papers and free staplers.

LL Cool J plays the dean who lost his will to make a difference. Morgan Freeman plays the introspective janitor. Matt Dillon plays the role of "Jordache", the prep leader hellbent on causing chaos.

Soon after the characters are announced, the plot settles, and in a poignant scene one of the female band dorks (played by Raven-Symoné) reveals her greatest present-and-future, ultimate aspiration is to one day marry and mate with a hyper-intelligent, unisex cyborg. When Jordache makes this public knowledge over the internet, the violence between the Pea Coaters and the band nerds escalates to an all-time high, reaching the point of no return when nerdy guy Mark T. Spellinger is found hung from the gymnasium basketball net.

If you're wondering why there's no outside intervention from authorities, it's because this takes place in a brutal dystopian future- a fact lightly touched on in the film.

After this the nerds pack together lead by their leader Dylan Anton Chigurh Harris Klebold DePlainview (Shai LaBeouf) and rebel against the injustices with a plan of attack. They devise a plan to fill the cases of their instruments with explosives, going unnoticed by the characters in the endearing, uplifting subplot. During a climatic 20-minute shoot-out in the hallways, Jordache is injured by a stray exploding violin case. Dylan finally puts an end to the opposing gang's dominance by shoving a flute through the heart of Jordache before "burying" him in a locker, but not before getting his left arm blown off at the shoulder.

Dylan goes to the local shop class where a fellow nerd in the tech field hooks him up with a semi-robotic arm and a quick suture. Raven's character, who remains impressed by Dylan's courage and will, decides maybe waiting for a robot race is a little too much of a stargaze and to carpe diem ("seize the day" for you complete idiots). The film ends with a close-up of the couple now hand-in-robotic-hand, then zooming into the background to a smiling Morgan Freeman who continues to mop up jock blood.

That's it. If you're interested in using any part of this in a motion picture I'm willing to part with it for five grand, but I reserve the right to change my writing credit to "Alan Smithee" should the film not jive with my artistic vision. I'd prefer a director similar to Takashi Miike, only with edge and an inclination towards gruesome violence. No joke, five G's and it's yours.

1 comment:

  1. Sold! (if you somehow involve Jessica Alba as Morgan Freeman's love interest)