Sunday, September 28, 2014

Hustlenomics 101

The following is a guest post by, "Last name Fuck, first name Idontgiva," also known as James Walter Fuller.

Mr. Fuck Idontgiva
I'm taking economics 101 in community college right. My teacher is this grey haired grand dad. So today he's talking, but every time he says the word economics I correct him and say, "You mean hustle-nomics." That's the correct way to say it that I learned from 2 Chainz.

At first he ignores me. Then around the 4th time he says, "No, I don't mean 'hustle-nomics.' I mean economics." Then I do it again and he says, "Listen, if you're going to keep interrupting this class, you're not going to be allowed here. I don't know if you think this is funny or you want attention, but this is not acceptable here."

At this point I stand up in solidarity with badassery. Mind you, I'm wearing a shirt that reads, "Rest in Peace Chad "Pimp C" Butler," so I got this righteous adrenaline rush going. I'm also wearing a thick sterling silver chain. No it's not gold, why do you think I'm taking a course in hustle-nomics. Anyway, I stand up and draw out my arms like Jesus and say, "What! What!"

I say, "OK Mr. Smart Teacher. If you're so good at economics, money-making, and adding digits, why you working for some rinky dink college? Shouldn't you be tipping waitresses on a yacht somewhere?" and everyone starts laughing. Well not everyone but this one guy I'm cool with.

So mr. grey hair says, "Well, sir. I'll have you know my stock portfolio does quite well. But I do not believe a man's worth is an estimation of his wealth. The reason I teach here for low pay is the sense of connection to my community, and the great pride and joy I take from helping others. Sure, I could've taken a 7-figure salary in New York, but this small town in Illinois is where my closest family and friends dwell, as well as the places and the relationships they hold most dear. You cannot put a price on the happiness that comes with being close to the things value and the comforting feeling of familiarity of being in a place you love."

At this point I got a little nervous I ain't gonna lie til I thought up the ultimate comeback. So as I'm running out the door I'm like, "Yeah well that sounds like something a fruit would say! Hahaha!" Then I slammed the door of the study hall becuz I feared the laughter and applause I got would be too loud and I have really sensitive ears.


James Walter Fuller currently attends Des Moines Area Community College, and works part-time at a Village Inn in his hometown of Johnston, Iowa.

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