Sunday, September 28, 2014

Fairweather Fans: Be-All, End-All Sports Team

Know what I would do with infinity money? Here's what I'd do, man.
  • First I would take over a small village, preferably in the rural midwest with its dumb sports fans, but no local franchise (this is important).
  • Then, I would bribe everyone to change the city name to "Fairweather," after gaining support from the Tourism Board. Obviously I would cover the cost to replace the street signs and shit.
  • Then I would be like, "Hey, man. Since our town is named Fairweather, why not preach freespiritedness and peace and love. Why can't we root for all teams to win in lieu of having our own stadium and team?"
  • Then I would print up shirts and all sorts of official sports merchandise that is universal for all sports team and our town of Fairweather, South Dakota.
  • Our "team" would be called the "Fairweather Fans" and the logo would have an emblem of a spinning fan on it.
  • Everyone would be going apeshit.

  • Here is a prototype logo I made up for our team:

  • Then this phenomena would spread to sports bars with incentivized partnerships.
  • Petition city hall to change city flag to "Fairweather Fans" flag.
  • Soon everywhere's rocking the flag, and our windy weather would be Making It Wave for those Fan flags.
  • Then I would start marketing those spinny hats, because they're fans and people like things that are literal.
Spinny hat prototype
  • From there is the easy part, we just shamelessly enjoy whatever sports team is doing best at the moment.
  • Somehow remain technically less faddish than liking the Seattle Seahawks.
  • So, then we print out Jerseys that say, "Fairweather Fans" and underneath will say, "Whichever team won the Superbowl last."
  • Then I make the NFL sell custom, reversible, two-sided jerseys so say you're at Lambeau Field in a Jay Cutler Jersey but then Green Bay scores, you can take it off and reverse it and wear an Aaron Rodgers jersey once they start winning again.
  • All-inclusive attitude applies to ANY team! The only prerequisite is winning.

In the end of it all we will be the best sports team statically in history, with a 100% success rate. Quickly, we will go on to become the winningest town in professional sports recorded franchise history including the world cup.

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